#DiscoverEnuguCulture: The Marriage Guide
If you were asked to summarise a traditional wedding in one sentence, it would probably look like this: Two people wear matching traditional attires, drink palm wine together, and are declared husband and wife. Amidst food and drinks, of course.
But, behind the scenes, a lot more is involved in getting married than just having a big day to dance and eat.
If you have no idea exactly how this marriage thing occurs within Enugu State, read this breakdown of the major steps to traditional marriage that allows you tick the ‘Married’ box in the eyes of society.
Each town has its peculiar details, but this a general overview of what is obtainable in most places within Enugu State and Eastern Nigeria.
First step. Decide you want to get married.
This is a very obvious first step, but it would surprise you the number of people who are not quite sure they want to get married, even as they are calling the caterer to increase the quantity of Abacha for the day or have started picking out wedding colors.
What qualifies as a marriageable age differs from person to person, but when you’re finally ready to settle down, you would know.
Alternatively, you can have your parents or other older relatives decide for you.
They do this either by eyeing you every time the word ‘marriage’ crops up, or by calling you at odd hours to tell you of the fine young person they saw the other day, and how it crossed their minds that the both of you would be perfect together.
Second step. Find the person to marry.
Another obvious point. But it is necessary to emphasize because marriage is a very serious decision.
You have to calm down and decide on the kind of person you want to spend a huge chunk of your life with. It could be your friend, a total stranger, or anybody who catches your fancy.
If you don’t trust your judgment, you could leave it to the people that told you to get married in the first place, to help play matchmaker.
Older people are almost always right when it comes to character judgment.
It is at this point a proposal is made to the bride-to-be.
Third Step. First Informal Visit.
Now that there’s someone to marry, things go a bit more smoothly.
The groom’s parents go to the house of the bride and tell her parents of their interest in their daughter. They do this using metaphors, i.e., “There is a beautiful flower growing in your compound that has caught our attention. And we have come to ask your permission to pluck it…”
The parents of the bride then ask their daughter if she likes the man interested in her. If she says yes, that gets things are indeed going very well.
Fourth Step. Introduction.
After the bride permits her parents to accept the proposal, the next thing to do is the Ịkụ Aka (introduction).
On this day, the groom and his parents visit the bride’s house, bringing with them gifts of palm wine, beer, soft drinks, and kola nuts.
Everybody is formally introduced on this day, and earn the official title of ndị ọgọ (in-laws).
Fifth Step. Meet the Kindred.
On another day or that same day, depending on the customs of the town, the groom and his family meet the bride’s Umunna (kindred), with drinks and kola nuts for them. This usually takes place at the girl’s house.
Sixth Step. Kolanut Ceremony.
The Ịchị Ọjị (Kolanut ceremony) is the next step on the schedule.
As the name implies, kola nut is the focus of this day.
Both families invite their relatives to come celebrate the day with them, at the bride’s house.
The bride’s family handled the cooking, while the groom’s family takes care of the kola nuts and drinks.
Amidst the eating and drinking, the bride is given kola nut by her father.
She eats from it and gives to the groom. It sounds like Adam and Eve, but rather than condemn the entire human race, this bonding act signifies that the bride’s family has accepted the groom and will not accept any other suitor apart from him.
Seventh Step. Wine Carrying.
After kola nuts, there is not much left on the to-do list. The great and mighty Ịgba Nkwụ (wine carrying) comes next.
This is the day familiar to most people who have attended or seen traditional Igbo wedding celebrations.
There is a great deal of cooking, and friends and relatives are invited.
Huge amounts of palm wine is involved on this day.
In some towns, only one party receives jars of wine from the other. In some others, both the bride and groom exchange wine.
On this day, the bride is given a cup of wine and is required to find the groom, who hides among the guests, while warding off catcalls from other men present.
This is to test her loyalty to him and see if she can be enticed by another.
When she finds him, she takes a sip of the wine and gives the rest to him.
They then walk together to the father of the bride, who blesses the union.
At this point, the marriage is airtight, so to speak.
Ninth Step. Bride Price.
However, the marriage ceremony is not yet completed. There is the matter of the Ụgwọ Isi (bride price).
Depending on the location, this step may come before or after the wine carrying.
The bride price payment is a more private affair than the wine carrying.
The family of the groom go with drinks to the bride’s house, where the father of the groom asks the bride’s father how much he is willing to accept in exchange for his daughter.
To which the bride’s father replies that his daughter is not for sale.
The groom’s father keeps a bundle of money, from which the bride’s father slips out a note, saying he does so to show that his daughter is not being thrown away/has value. After this, the marriage ceremony is officially completed.
Final Step: Congratulations, you’re married!
Now we dance, eat and make merry.
There you have it, the steps to getting married in Enugu. Of course, some folks go the extra mile of having a church wedding. This is not mandatory and only a matter of personal choice since the traditional wedding is as complete a marriage process as any other.
